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thursday | may 29 | 2008 day 2 - went good for awhile, but then i went too long without shaking and then i experienced super hunger later that night - double shake was not enough and fake head hunger lead to microwave popcorn which lead to bowl of cereal. not massively bad but definitely but a crimp in the ketosis state i was moving towards. i will try and space out my shakes better today and make sure i don't go without for too long. i ordered some protein bars that i found were the closest to the optifast peanut butter bars in nutrition info/calories/protein grams. you can't really order optifast without a doctors prescription or without being in a group program, so i had to find a substitute. i go with "balance bars" - peanut butter. the great thing about having bars around is it will help you get out of the pinch i was in yesterday afternoon where i was out and about for too long. the bad thing about bars is if you eat too many, too often you get backed up in the plumbing dept. and you won't really see much progress on the scale. be forewarned, but it is nice to have the chew element once in awhile. i wear glasses - i love wearing glasses but i have very very expensive lenses and thus once you add in my fancy taste for designer frames and cost of lenses, it is not uncommon that my glasses run between 700-1000$ a pop. my new job has visioncare as one of the benefit plans, but i kind of laugh when i think the allotment is something like $100 towards new glasses - not even a drop in the bucket for me. i have really been itching to find a fun pair of tortoise shell like frames - i also have an indescribable desire for super whacky - crazy ol'bat frames ala E from the incredibles or sylvia weinstock - that new york society wedding cake lady. i plan on indulging once i get to a weight goal - i would love to think something like 150 lbs would be grand - but my desire for the frames are so great that i may have to make it more like 175. no impulse control at all! the second pair below are from la eyeworks and i really like them - they have them at my favorite glasses boutique -$800 was the estimate - urgh!!!!!
wednesday | may 28 | 2008 down 3 pounds from weighing in last week. 205. this is not LD related so much as - i think i lost a bit of weight in AZ and ended my period, but still i love starting a diet with a loss! i've been trying to find interesting blogs from people who do LD but no luck - either they are dead end blogs of 1 or 2 post or they are pre-surgery people getting lap bands or gastric bypass. in reading through peoples blogs i found it interesting that so many people set up roadblocks for themselves - myself included - in regards to birthdays, holidays, social events. there really is no perfect time to start and maintain a diet - there will all ways be something in the way - it's probably why most of us got here. queen of procrastinate and excuse here - i found myself almost not starting because i have 1/2 a carton of soy milk left over in the fridge- like i can't possibly start losing weight if i have 2 servings left of soy milk! i think i would give up due to half a package of year old saltines if i really let my lazy side take control. i completed day 1 of LD and did really really well, sometimes it's just getting through that first day and first week that is so hard, once i get over that hurdle it will be so much easier - once i know i don't have to deal with food and things are prescribed for me. i have a wedding to attend in a week and a half. i need to make plans now. i don't really want to eat food just because and certainly not due to a crappy wedding buffet. i'm sure they will have salad and veggies - since both my husband and i are vegetarians (pescetarian - we do indulge in sushi once in awhile) it should sort of go unnoticed that i am not piling my plate full of food. love the misconception that veggies don't eat anything - ah proof standing here at 205 that we do! it is really important that you plan for these things and make your way through them otherwise you will never succeed on the plan. whether it be a wedding or birthday or holiday - news flash - you can get through them, enjoy them and not go off plan. god food is such an issue with all of us. tuesday | may 27 | 2008 i survived the weekend in arizona - actually caught a break and they had really mild weather, high 70's-low 80's. i still had to put the hams out there in short sleeve t-shirts, but at least i wasn't "glistening" the entire time. i've had enough of babies for awhile (i was there for my cousins baby shower) but all the cousins got to get together and my eldest cousin brought her 5 year old daughter. my sister flew in as a surprise for the afternoon - so all the girls were together - 8 of us and one more due in 5 weeks. we all grew up together, at times even living together so we are much more like sisters - no boys allowed. of course kimmie had to go and have a boy, as well as her little girl, so i guess she broke the code. you would think that i would have more girlfriends in my life, but i am very cynical and i don't know if many girls can tolerate that. i'm very jeane garofalo and daria wrapped into one. i hope that i make some new girlfriends at the new job - i've met a couple of cool chicks from the times i have freelanced there, i didn't see too many high heel, hair highlighting idiots there before. girlfriends in my life right now are sooooo high maintenance. they rarely ever ask me to do anything and even with constant invitations from me - they are so difficult to get out. so i kind of give up on them, even IMing them is only at my pinging. hey maybe it's me, i'm the problem - well my solution to that is fuck'm. i know good attitude. you don't have to remind me what a pessimistic asshole i am.
i started LD (liquid diet) today. i use pro-cal shakes. they are soy based instead of dairy based. FF (full fast) is 8 shakes a day @ 100 calories a shake. it is best to do each shake separately - you lose weight faster this way - spreading them out in 1-2 hour intervals. this keeps your body in constant fuel burning mode and teaches your body to run on small meals throughout the day. i find it super difficult to do this, i usually double up on at least four shakes - a double shake + shot of espresso for breakfast and either lunch or dinner is a double shake. PF (partial fast) is 5-6 shakes daily and a lean and green meal for dinner or lunch. it is recommended in the beginning weeks to of course drink plenty of water and most important to avoid severe headaches brought on by all the liquid passing through your body, to have a serving of consommé , bouillon or miso once or twice a day. you actually lose a tremendous amount of sodium with all the peeing - so it's important to replenish it, don't fear water retention. i will try and do at minimum of 2 weeks at FF and then switch to PF or if i get in the grove just keep on FF until i drop some substantial weight. recommendation can be FF for 3 months - to a year. it all depends on how much weight you need to drop, your health and lifestyle. i have done this program before under a doctor and nutritionist supervision, so i know what to expect - i guess i can't recommend it if you don't deal with your doctor first - but there are plenty of LD products out there minus the medical program (aka $$$ for doctor supervision). this site has board support - i find most of the posters to be too jesus prolific for my taste but it really is the only public support forum i have found. the founder also created his own line of product - probably a rich man now. i am not crazy about the product i tried before but i may try some samples again for some variety and see if they have gotten better. the founder dropped 100+ lbs using LD but found the medical programs to be less then supportive emotionally so that is why he created board and eventually product line. personally i found the program - group sessions to be very supportive, just expensive $200 monthly plus you still had cost of shakes, so i thought i would drop it this time around. i hear from loads of people - oh that is so dangerous blah blah - but i have done it before with a doctor and it helps drop my inherited really high cholesterol and gets me out of legitimate danger zones to my health - so all those haters can just suck it. if you have any questions feel free to drop me an email cause you all know how i feel about comments!
friday | may 23 | 2008 ohmygod - hubby just gave me this necklace i discovered on etsy a couple weeks ago - i love him. i know not everyones cup o tea - but i absolutely adore it!
friday | may 23 | 2008 so i guess my site is a once a month check in - so sad. i'm going to try and write more often. i start job in a couple of weeks so these are my last days of bumming around. i tried to be a slacker for the month but ended up with small projects, one after the other, which is good in the end cause i am still reeling from tax man invasion of april. my sister and i had it out this week and i let her know how i felt about the whole thing. we had a good long talk and i feel more connected to her, still think she is crazy for getting married so soon and especially given all the fucked up situations that are going on with his family - his kids have not processed moms death - food disorders and self harming are not signs of healthy kids. i hope she survives this and has the strength to bear it all. starting liquid diet cleanse when i get back from cousins baby shower in arizona. i want to do it for at least a minimum of 2 weeks and then partial when i start new job. it makes breakfast and lunch much easier with a job since i don't have to really prepare anything. dinner is always the tough part - just so easy to come home and graze the night away instead of doing dinner as lean and green. here is hat i got for sisters wedding - will create a couple bjork buns with my hair in back - basic black cocktail dress and bronze sandals. just wish her gig wasn't all outside in southern california - i will melt no doubt. hubby got this amazing neil barrett suit that just makes me swoon. we picked up a neil barrett fake tie shirt as well - i know this could border on "tux t-shirt" but it actually doesn't - it really works - very madman - rod sterling. ok now i need to go hump his leg after looking at photos!
tuesday | april 29 | 2008 april done come and gone. big project for april so i've really been busy. i decided to take a full time job and will start in june. many reasons are behind this: i really like the industry (game developer community/gaming) - no more whacked tech clients, yay! money is good - april was a whopper for wiping us clean financially, thanks uncle sam, benefits - take that kaiser, i like the people i will work with and they will challenge me as a designer to be better, i will learn new technologies supporting web projects which i am clearly lacking, i miss the structure in my life - things have been stagnating on the motivation front, i get to walk to work which means no cost commute, as well as, daily exercise and i get to wear cute clothes again. drama on the family front with my sister getting married. basically she met someone - he has 3 kids and a wife that passed away a couple years ago. he is a nice enough guy but not my cup of tea - how 2 sisters can be so different and like such completely different men is beyond me - but that is how it's always been - she is day and i am night. they decided after just a couple of months of dating to get married and get married in july. way too soon in my book - but i am over trying to be heard. she is just going absolutely ape shit right now with having him redo the house, buy new furniture, plan a wedding with 250 guests and trying to keep it all around 10k. she has let all her personal relationships go and everyone is upset about something. this is why i have never appreciated or wanted a wedding. i know some people absolutely love them, having them, planning them, attending them. not me - i do not look forward to this at all. if it was small and intimate and expressed a maturity that two people in their forties should be broadcasting, i would be all about it. but it just reeks of self involved bridezilla stench. hopefully our relationship will survive as we have never had a really close one to begin with. monday | mar 17 | 2008 ok let's get this staight - i don't think WLS is easy, but i do think it is easier then having to cope with the daily hourly struggles of those that don't get it and in that i do think it is an easier way out of being obese. i understand that there is pain, discomfort and you are forced into a whole new set of rules that manage your life - but there is a difference. it forces you to stay on the path - that is where the perception of easy comes in - all those times before the surgery when a slip here and a slip there always added up to failure to succeed and you had to start over and over and over and you would berate yourself for not being able to control it and now something other then your will power is keeping you on track that is what looks a whole lot rosy-er. why do people that have had WLS never willing to admit it - if i had the surgery i would be screaming it from the roof tops - fuck ya it was easier then before- why the guilt - get over it - you succeeded, you did it without the same repetitive failures of the past - own it. so i am starting LD again but i am holding off on doing group cause i just can't afford the monthly fee plus cost of shakes. i also started exercising today - went and did a few hill loops around the neighborhood. i have 2 weddings and 1 baby shower to go to from may to july and all of them are in really hot areas, i will be damned if i can't buy a summer dress and feel comfortable. so i really really need to stay focused - i can't let myself use food to fight boredom, frustration, celebration. it is fuel and that is what it needs to stay for awhile. urgh.... i really wish i could scream out how easy this is but it's not it is fucking hard hard hard - so all you haters of the daily trenches - fat fighters can just suck it! wednesday | mar 05 | 2008 urgh! back to slinging for biz - got client meetings and work and of course all i want to do is lie around in the sun and read. san francisco has this weird pre-spring/summer time of the year where the weather is perfect - sunny enough to be warm and cool enough to take a walk without completely wilting. then is goes kind of yucky again - overcast and then eventually hot. i'm so thermally unstable in hot weather. i think some of it might be because of the extra weight but even 40 lbs lighter i remember sweating at the least amount of heat or exertion. i guess i'm a sweater period - i hate it. when i am doing "exercise" i am ok with it - i dress appropriately and mentally am prepared for it. but when i am just in a day to day mode and walking uphill or having to drive in some heat - i loath it. how do people not sweat - it's so embarrassing for me to feel like a swollen red faced tomato when i just want to be casual about being out and about- what it all adds up to for me is i think i prevent myself from walking more because unless i am properly prepared to be exercising i really want to avoid looking like a sweaty out of shape dork. yes i suffer from grass is greener syndrome right now. feeling a bit melancholy and also wanting things to get changed around some. i dread making list and goals like "i will walk for 30 minutes everyday" - not feeling up to the challenge. so how does one get up the verve to change it up, challenge themselves without feeling set up for disappointment - or is it exactly as they say - no risk - no reward?! monday | mar 03 | 2008
we have been thinking about getting some outside office space. one option is to have L join up with friends - in a shared space. we looked at one at an old refurb'd warehouse - this would give him more social/professional community and a shake up to the daily routine. the other option is the new trend of mini storage like spaces for people to use as they want. activspace.com is a good example. you get a room, a window and a sink. you can pretty much do whatever you want to it as long as its undoable in the end. the leases are all short term so we like to think of it as summer camp for arty adults. the second option would allow me to set up a table to do crafty stuff - bring in my sewing machine, wool felting stuff and so on. right now all that stuff has to be taken in and out storage to partake in - this would give me the freedom to just start and leave a project as is. it's a bit less communal of an option then giant warehouse halls with a bunch of artist bays - but it has more going on then staying up on nob hill alone all day. we are still waiting on taxman to give us a final total and then we will decide. wednesday | feb 26| 2008
taxes - yuck! had our tax appointment yesterday - now just waiting to hear what the news will be. i really like our tax guy - he is the miracle worker - but until we know what we owe (and we always owe - such is the quarterly system) i won't know what kind of shape we're in. either it will wipe us out or give us cushion.... i've been offered jobs from a couple of my clients, one is more of a part-time gig and the other full time. none of the details have been worked out yet - i'm leaning a bit to the full time gig if they can meet my salary requirements. i hear the "R" word tossed around too much these days - so having a full time gig would help stabilize if we would get rocked with slow times. aside from really liking the people and industry some of the pros of going full time for me are the standards: health insurance (which we have now but pay too much for), 401k benis but also things like a structured schedule: this always helps me with things like dieting... easier for me to fall into the monotony of drinking shakes for breakfast and lunch. walking to and from work. it is close enough to do and yet far enough to make it an actual workout - to work is all down hill so the workout would really be coming home - thus i could leave the sweaty, red faced part for coming home instead of showing up to work like a swollen stinky tomato. my boss man is a super cool guy and i think i could learn a lot from the creative team he is putting together (more webstuff!) of course i would miss the flexibility of my lifestyle now but once i get used to the schedule of getting up before 9am i could adapt. waiting to get taxes over with so we can get these (too bad it won't be in time for huge sale right now - but can't risk it in case we have too much outgoing to uncle sammie) - they would be replacing the last of the dreaded ikea crap which currently acts as a room divider - the draper cabinets are more our style.
since everyone is posting about collections these days here is a shot of some of ours - the pix at the top of the entry is of all the art we having hanging about the flat (a few pieces are missing in the collage)
thursday | jan 24 | 2008 hubby is grumpy due to client woes - the downside i guess to working in the same studio cuz now i have to pretend he is not there and thus avoid his grumpiness. i'm in a forever waiting mode to get my next project started - wish my client would just settle on a date and stick by it. i got beautified yesterday at hair salon - just a bunch of highlites and banishing of the gray. i feel really down right now - like i could just crawl into bed for the day and if hubby wasn't sulking around here that is exactly what i would do. pretty lame entry, but doing my best to get myself to put entries together more often. wednesday | jan 23 | 2008 "lori brian historic house selling blog" that is all it took on half a dozen search engines to have you listed within the top 10 results, no proper names, streets or cities needed - sorry hon, but i would suggest like many that maybe you shut it for awhile - the @'s aren't really doing the trick.
tuesday | jan 22 | 2008 happy new year - umm a bit late i know. just back from los angeles - job complete - invoiced whopping 12k so i can take a bit of a rest -(well did accept new project but it should just be a quickie). of course uncle sam is just around the bend demanding his money + rent + expenses of trip and wow money is already gone - damn i hate how that happens. on the weight front - i quit my gym just wasn't using it. plan is to use what i got, legs to walk, weights to lift and see how that goes - so far not very far... i am truly the laziest person alive. back on LD to jumpstart dropping 10-20 pounds. made it through day one... killer headache but here i am at day 2 better then having to say i am starting over day 1 again. i started reading half of me archives - such a great blog and i am impressed by the fact she did it all - just kept plugging away at it and still keeps at it. go J, go! i have updated my others links with my current bookmarks - i will try and revise this as i discover new reads. will try and update more often - even if its just status of navel contemplation!
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